Bonnaroo 2010

I can't wait. I want to go to several other but that one is pretty much ensured. This is gonna be great, no doubt :)

It's a good realization to come to when you figure out what it's all about; life is good

It's enough to wake up, the people and places and things we get are extras, the air in our lungs and the memories in our head are all that really matter.
Of course I don't believe in just being alive, i want to live my life to the fullest. That still doesn't mean I should let myself get bummed out from the little negatives, it's all still a gift. I'd rather be alive and just in a mediocre mood than not being alive at all cause it's life we aren't guaranteed the next minute but if it's there then we have the ability to make it better and better. If i didn't feel like this the move away from my old life would've probably killed me now i'm just happy realizing i'm in a place with boundless oportunities. I can live, I can experience all kinds of things, and my friends are still right here in my heart from the time i wake up till i shut my eyes at night and then they just move into my dreams.
life is good, no ifs ands or buts, be thankful for it.

Somehow it never gets old.

turkey pot pies, cran grape, and the same group of people I'm with on the daily are the three things I can't seem to grow tired of.
It doesn't quite make sense how I can't stand to eat the same kind of cereal after one box is out because I like to switch it up, but I can go to the same place, do the same things, with the same people and I don't seem get tired of it.
These people know who they are and I'm so proud to have them as part of my life.
Being at the park at least 10 minutes a day does get a little old but when I see the same bright shining faces it makes it worth it. And even though when we're together we're always low on money, gas for our cars and i always get karate chopped by savvy being together negates those negatives and it's all just a great time :)
basically, that sums up what i've been doing with my life lately.

they love me, they love me not

It's hard to read people and their motives. If I wasn't so generous would I have the same friends? If I didn't care what people thought of me would I be the same as I am now? If I didn't let people walk all over me would I be considered a bitch? Would I have what I wanted if I didn't care quite as much about what everbody else wants?
I surround myself with various people on a regular basis but how can you ever know what people really think and what is really going on in their minds? you can't. And for me that's so scary.

I'm happy to say that my life is about as good as it gets.

But it scares me half to death when i realize what makes it that way.
If it weren't for you and the things we do i'd have no reason to go on.
Thank you for what you've given me, the taste of life and death at the same time.

How could you be so heartless?

How could I be so gullible?
I should've known better. I should've been more aware of what I was getting into.
The signs were there and I saw them, even took them into consideration, but STILL did the damage to myself.

Anyways, i'm tired of this. Don't get me wrong, i'm so happy. But, i want a different level of happiness. I want to do things and not have a clue what the outcome will be and not care either way. I'm a tough girl but it's begining to wear down and everyone has a breaking point so i can't keep opening up the same wounds.

dear meridth,

If i could send myself a letter from now to a few months ago I would have so much to say. I've realized more in the past year than my many years of private school have taught me. The main thing that you need to know is just because someone is in your life they aren't necessarily your friend; just because someone is your friend doesn't mean they love you and will always be there for you; and just because someone loves you and is there for you doesn't mean they won't hurt you in the end. If I would've figured this out earlier it would've saved so many problems but i guess there are some things you need to learn from first hand experience. Another big thing is don't give up what you want for someone else but don't do something you want that is going to effect you in a bad way that makes others not want to be around you. I gave up my best friend for someone else and their lifestyle and by taking on those things i lost alot more than my best friend and gained alot more negative things. Now that I've realized that, I lost the lifestyle and the friend but gained a better perception of where i should be. I'm thankful for the people that were there in the beginning, they learned to love a person that i hated and now that i have become a person I'm happy with they don't really approve. I guess everyone entered my life at the wrong time. But everything happens for a reason, right? Well i guess the purpose for all of this was to teach me the difference between a real friend and an acquaintance and the difference between a good decision and a horrible one. I'm happy with where i am now, but looking back it's sad to see who i had to go through and what i had to do to get here. I apologize to the people I've hurt or let down on my way here but i guess that's just growing up.