they love me, they love me not

It's hard to read people and their motives. If I wasn't so generous would I have the same friends? If I didn't care what people thought of me would I be the same as I am now? If I didn't let people walk all over me would I be considered a bitch? Would I have what I wanted if I didn't care quite as much about what everbody else wants?
I surround myself with various people on a regular basis but how can you ever know what people really think and what is really going on in their minds? you can't. And for me that's so scary.

I'm happy to say that my life is about as good as it gets.

But it scares me half to death when i realize what makes it that way.
If it weren't for you and the things we do i'd have no reason to go on.
Thank you for what you've given me, the taste of life and death at the same time.

How could you be so heartless?

How could I be so gullible?
I should've known better. I should've been more aware of what I was getting into.
The signs were there and I saw them, even took them into consideration, but STILL did the damage to myself.

Anyways, i'm tired of this. Don't get me wrong, i'm so happy. But, i want a different level of happiness. I want to do things and not have a clue what the outcome will be and not care either way. I'm a tough girl but it's begining to wear down and everyone has a breaking point so i can't keep opening up the same wounds.