You may be right

But you're only right about one thing.
yes, when i'm around them it's like starting from ground one. It rebuilds the memories, it gives me hope, it gives me the desire to push harder, to wake up again, to stay myself and not turn into a person that finds pleasure in nothing more than food, cigarettes, and the little computer in front of me.
Why is that wrong? How is that a problem?
You say I'm no individual but if i'm not then why was a born by myself and not born as a parasite living inside "my host" I wake up, I used to wake up and rage, now I wake up in rage. It's a fight everyday between keeping true to myself when everyone here is against it or just giving up, falling into what you want. Then how much of an individual would I be?
If you knew how far I'd go or how far they'd go for me, not the false unhappy me, then you'd change your perception. Until then keep thiking I'm weak, keep thinking I'll do nothing with my life, keep thinking my friends aren't as close as my family and don't treat me as such...
13 months and counting for it to just be a bad memory.

Hey guh, whatcho name is?

Now that i have a lot of time to think and more things to think about it's made me question my future alot more. I'm not too sure if i'll ever get married, but i guarantee i'm going to have a little boy one day. I was born knowing one day I'd be a mother and with the experiences with my mother now I can know one day i'm going to be a good mother. As for a good wife who knows? I've thought about relationships alot lately and nothing here fits. I've met tons of knew boys here but most of the ones I've met go to my school, that seems to be a problem. I don't think I could ever date much less marry someone that sits next to me in creative writing and plans on being a lawyer one day. What kind of life would I live with a man that sits behind a book all his life striving to have a corporate job behind a desk? The only way I could even stand to be in a relationship is with someone that's seen more than me and will help me see it all too. Don't get me wrong I'd love to have something one day that was so special that i could actually get married, but right now i'm just looking for friends, for people to talk to. I can't carry on a relationship with anyone back home while i'm here and it's not looking too promising with anyone here so maybe i'm just destined to have me my son and our animals when i grow up lol.

Well, on another note things seem to be getting a little better at a time.

Bonnaroo 2010

I can't wait. I want to go to several other but that one is pretty much ensured. This is gonna be great, no doubt :)

It's a good realization to come to when you figure out what it's all about; life is good

It's enough to wake up, the people and places and things we get are extras, the air in our lungs and the memories in our head are all that really matter.
Of course I don't believe in just being alive, i want to live my life to the fullest. That still doesn't mean I should let myself get bummed out from the little negatives, it's all still a gift. I'd rather be alive and just in a mediocre mood than not being alive at all cause it's life we aren't guaranteed the next minute but if it's there then we have the ability to make it better and better. If i didn't feel like this the move away from my old life would've probably killed me now i'm just happy realizing i'm in a place with boundless oportunities. I can live, I can experience all kinds of things, and my friends are still right here in my heart from the time i wake up till i shut my eyes at night and then they just move into my dreams.
life is good, no ifs ands or buts, be thankful for it.

Somehow it never gets old.

turkey pot pies, cran grape, and the same group of people I'm with on the daily are the three things I can't seem to grow tired of.
It doesn't quite make sense how I can't stand to eat the same kind of cereal after one box is out because I like to switch it up, but I can go to the same place, do the same things, with the same people and I don't seem get tired of it.
These people know who they are and I'm so proud to have them as part of my life.
Being at the park at least 10 minutes a day does get a little old but when I see the same bright shining faces it makes it worth it. And even though when we're together we're always low on money, gas for our cars and i always get karate chopped by savvy being together negates those negatives and it's all just a great time :)
basically, that sums up what i've been doing with my life lately.

they love me, they love me not

It's hard to read people and their motives. If I wasn't so generous would I have the same friends? If I didn't care what people thought of me would I be the same as I am now? If I didn't let people walk all over me would I be considered a bitch? Would I have what I wanted if I didn't care quite as much about what everbody else wants?
I surround myself with various people on a regular basis but how can you ever know what people really think and what is really going on in their minds? you can't. And for me that's so scary.

I'm happy to say that my life is about as good as it gets.

But it scares me half to death when i realize what makes it that way.
If it weren't for you and the things we do i'd have no reason to go on.
Thank you for what you've given me, the taste of life and death at the same time.